


Literally why

by Callie_Girl



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: ABA 'Therapy', Alternate Universe - College/University, Autistic Logic | Logan Sanders, Blind Character, Guilt, It gets pretty dark, Multi, Past Abusive Relationship(s), Past Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Survivor Guilt, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Sympathetic Sides (Sanders Sides), Trans Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Logic | Logan Sanders, Well - Freeform, and they're kinda background characters, but they have reason, remus and dee hate virgil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23118274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callie_Girl/pseuds/Callie_Girl
Summary: I suck at descriptions.Logan gets more than he bargained for when he winds up with a crush on his three roommates; Patton, Virgil, and Roman. When a man in Logan's math class tells him to avoid Virgil and Virgil's abusive ex starts to make appearances, Logan finds himself in more drama than he'd ever imagined.orLogan has never been so confused in his life.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Morality | Patton, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Eventually - Relationship
Comments: 26
Kudos: 171





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThisWorks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisWorks/gifts).



Logan clenched his hands together in his lap as his mom pulled into a parking space, trying not to twist them together nervously. Despite his mother’s assurances that he would like college, he couldn’t help but feel nervous. What if he didn’t like his roommates? What if they didn’t like him? What if the teachers were mean? What if he hated it?

So many what-ifs.

He grabbed his bags from the trunk and watched his mom drive away without even a good-bye. He lingered for a moment, then took his schedule out of his pocket and went off in search of his dorm.

Thankfully, it was easy to find. The building was kind of far from the main school, with ivy growing up the stone walls and colourful flowerbeds, and Logan liked it. His dorm, which he would be sharing with three others (it was a big dorm with multiple bedrooms,) was on the second floor, and he could already see the light-blue curtains were thrown open. So at least one of his roommates had already arrived.

The door opened before he even knocked, revealing a smaller man with curly, toffee-coloured hair and tons of freckles. “Hello! You must be Logan Fitzgerald!”

“That is correct.”

“I’m Patton Wilde! Come in!” Patton grabbed one of Logan’s bags and led him inside, where the other two waited. The one with purple hair, a tall, skinny man with dark circles around his eyes, waved, and the other, a man with copper-coloured hair and bi-coloured eyes, leapt to his feet. 

“Good morning!” The one with heterochromia boomed. “I am Roman Lovegood, and this is Virgil Shelesh! I’m majoring in Musical Theatre, and he in fiction writing, What about you?”

“I am going into teaching special education.”

“A noble endeavour.”

Well, they seemed to like him. But then again, Logan had never been good on judging the feelings of others.

“How about you pick out your room?” Patton suggested. “We didn’t want to choose until you arrived, so you can have first pick.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“I’ll get your bags.” Roman offered, grabbing Logan’s heavy suitcase and carrying it under his arm like it weighed less than a chicken. Logan felt a stab of… something pleasant?- in his chest and felt his face heat a bit.

Uh-oh.

He forced the feeling to the back of his mind and went to inspect the rooms, Roman close behind him. It didn’t take long for him to settle on the smallest one, which would have a beautiful view of the sunset outside of a large window. At night, he would be able to see the stars. It was perfect.

-

He lounged around for the rest of the day, not having much to do but prepare himself for his classes the next day.

“Logan, dinner!” Patton called. Logan sat up in his bed, confused. Had Patton really made of gotten dinner for him? And here he’d been planning on surviving on pizza and Ramen.

It turned out that Patton had not only made dinner, he’d made spaghetti ad meatballs. The tomato sauce even didn’t have chunks of tomato, the way Logan liked it.

“Roman, I thought Remus was bringing his boyfriend over?” Roman made a face, sitting down.

“He was going to, but he refused once he heard Virgil was going to be here. He says he refuses to be in the same building as… well, he used quite a few colourful terms.” Roman cringed and cast an apologetic look over to Virgil, who shrugged

“Did he tell you how Dee’s doing?” Virgil asked, picking at his food.

“Let me ask.” Roman typed something into his phone, and it buzzed almost instantly. “Oh, dear… he says that Dee has relapsed.”

Virgil swore. “Aw, man. And he was doing so good, too. Bummer.”

“If you don’t mind me asking- what?” Apparently Logan was missing out on something big.

“It’s nothing,” Virgil waved a hand, dismissing it. “Just some people I used to be friends with who now hate me.”

The way he said it implied that it was not, in fact, nothing, but Logan shrugged and went back to eating, keeping his head down so the others wouldn’t notice how hard he was concentrating. If his fork scrapped the plate and made that nails-on-a-chalkboard sound, the entire meal was ruined. But he doubted he could explain that to them.

“So, Logan, there’s something else you should know,” Patton started. “Roman, Virgil, and I are in a polyamorous relationship. Does that bother you?”

“Not at all.” 

“So your not homophobic?” Roman smiled blindingly.

“Hardly.” It would be kind of hypocritical, because he was gay. “This is very good, Patton. You are a skilled cook.”

Patton beamed. “Thanks! I like to cook a lot, so you probably won’t have to worry about dinner much- oh, do you mind pitching in a little money for ingredients?”

How was he supposed to answer? Some people seemed to think yes was the answer to show you were okay with it, others seemed to think the answer was no. Ugh. “I am fine with this.” 

“Great!” Patton clapped. “I bet we’re going to be really good friends.”

Logan agreed.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus completely and utterly despises Virgil.

So far, Logan’s first day of college had not started off well.

First off, waking up to an alarm clock on a Monday morning wasn’t good for any day. Then, for some reason, the fabric of his shirt irritated his top surgery scars, so he’d had to dig an older one out of the back of his closet, which had been washed so many times it felt like silk.

Then, he looked at his schedule and realized that his first class (Math, of all things-) was on the other side of campus, meaning he had to  _ run _ all the way- not to mention he was terrible at math, so that did nothing for what was basically a ruined day.

It was truly a Monday.

By the time he got there, there was only one free desk, all the way in a back corner, next to a man around his age with one blue eye and one green, who kind of looked like Roman, but was thinner and had a white streak in his hair. The man smiled at him as Logan sat down, and Logan tried to return it. A few minutes into class, the man leaned over. “Hey, I’m Remus Lovegood. Who’re you?”

“Logan Fitzgerald. Are you related to Roman Lovegood?”

“Identical twins.” Remus grinned, revealing a gap between his two front teeth. “How d’ya know Roman?”

“He’s my roommate. He, Patton, and Virgil.”

A dark cloud seemed to pass over Remus’ face when Logan mentioned Virgil, and he sat back in his seat, fiddling with his pen. “If I were you, I’d stay far away from Virgil Shelesh. Trust me, you’ll only get hurt, being around him. He’s a backstabbing little family traitor and all he’ll bring you is fucking misery.”

Wow, okay, why didn’t Remus just say how he really felt? “Can you elaborate?”

Remus’ eyes grew haunted. “I… it’s not a conversation for public settings. He ruined my boyfriend’s life and acted like he had nothing to do with it, but really, how else could his psychopath boyfriend have found us? And now he goes around pretending he’s the victim here like he never told that fucker where we lived, but that bitch told us that Virgil told him to do it- trust me, you’ll end up like Dee. Or dead… sometimes I don’t know which is worse.” He said the last part under his breath, probably not meaning for Logan to hear it. “Just… stay away from Virgil Shelesh.”

Logan nodded, dissecting the conversation. So, Virgil had done something, either intentionally or unintentionally, that had resulted in some terrible fate for this “Dee” person. And by boyfriend did Remus mean Patton? Patton did not seem like the type to harm others, but then again, neither had Ted Bundy. He would have to ask one of the others later.

Remus didn’t speak for the rest of class and disappeared the second the bell rang, leaving Logan to contemplate what he’d said. Perhaps he should be wary around Virgil, at least until he learned the truth of what had happened. In fact, it may pay to be wary around the other two as well.

For the love of God, Logan had not signed up for this level of drama.

* * *

“Hey, Lo, you okay?” Logan flinched as Patton spoke, his eyes remaining stubbornly fixed on his chicken and rice.

“Why would I not be?” He replied curtly, heart pounding in his ears. For all he knew, he was dining with… well, with at least one torturer and one traitor. No, make that two traitors. If Roman still dated those who had done something that terrible to his twin brother-

“Yeah, something’s up,” Virgil decided, standing up. “Logan, you know you can talk to us, right? Did something happen today?”

He really wanted to just ask, but he didn’t have enough information yet. For all he knew, revealing his hand could have him killed, or in whatever worse fate Dee was apparently experiencing. “I. Am. Fine.”

Patton stood up hesitantly. “Are you-”

“I am certain, Patton!” Logan shot to his feet, knocking over his chair and grabbing his plate. Before anyone could react, he’d left.

“What was that about?” Roman asked, breaking the stunned silence.

“I don’t know,” Patton whispered, “If anything, I’d say he looked kinda… scared.”

Virgil scoffed, sitting back down. “Scared of what? Of us? Why?”

“I do not know,” Roman whispered, fiddling with his phone, “He seemed fine this morning- this does not make sense.”

“Maybe he’ll be willing to talk in the morning.” It was wishful thinking, but at the moment it was all they could do.

Virgil paled, his fork slipping from his fingers. “You don’t think-”

“No,” Roman grabbed Virgil’s hand. “It’s not possible. Who would’ve told him? I mean, I doubt he has any classes with Remus.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Still, something didn’t sit well. If Logan had found out from Remus instead of from them… God, that would look really bad...

The rest of the meal was silent.

* * *

Logan’s fingers hovered over his keyboard for several minutes before he finally decided what to do. Remu’s name bought up several results, and Logan scrolled through them. National level on spelling bee and science fair, several roles in a local theatre, mostly villains, award-winning speech on rights for disabled people- and a mugshot.

Logan clicked the picture, which bought him to a page on a crime from two years ago. According to the article, Remus had been arrested for the torture and possible attempted murder of someone named Darius Fischbach, however, was released due to two eyewitness testimonies clearing him of the crime. After a bit of digging, Logan managed to find Remus’ Tumblr account. The latest post, which had been posted a few days ago, was a picture of Remus holding up a peace sign. In the background, there was a slim young man with shaggy black hair that had dark gold streaks. His head was tilted sharply to the left.

_ Happy birthday to the love of my life _ , the caption said,  _ my beautiful boyfriend of five years and hopefully for many more. Love you, babe _ .

Was that Dee? Logan analyzed the picture further, noticing a black wheelchair with gold snakes painted on it hidden in the corner, along with a walker-like contraption with a similar paint job. Next to the one with his back to the camera were crutches, the type one would wear on their arms.

Hm.

Logan scrolled through a few posts about how screwed up America was in every way, a petition for the rights of the incarcerated, and warning to wear red on April second or else Remus would “Steal their kneecaps and turn them into maracas,” and an anarchy post. There were a few posts about Dee, but never any pictures that had him facing the camera, or close to it at all. Interesting. Maybe Dee didn’t want his face on the internet?

Next time Logan saw Remus, he’d ask about Dee. Maybe even about Darius Fischbach.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm sorry for the low quality, I tried.  
> Also, remember when I said Remus and Deceit were background characters?  
> Yeah, I lied.

Unfortunately, Logan barely saw Remus for more than a few seconds over the next two days. He tried googling Darius Fischbach, (three cases of felony arson, constantly organizing petitions, protests, and riots, several arrests for assaults (trying to beat up Nazis and KKK, and, on one memorable occasion, Donald Trump,) one attempt to burn down an extremely homophobic church, arrested multiple times for watching cops when they pulled over black people- generally the kind of stuff that was wrong from a legal standpoint, but kind of made you think he wasn’t exactly wrong-) but was left more confused than anything. In the meantime, Logan tried to stay away from his roommates, but it was kind of hard considering how many classes he had with them.

He was walking back to his dorm for lunch (with Virgil trailing behind, staring at him), just relaxing, when, suddenly-

“DEE DEE!” Remus practically flew past him, sprinting across the quad, over to a small man at the edge of the crowd, then picked him up and spun him around. That wasDee?

For some reason, Logan had imagined he would be taller.

“Oh God, it really was that bad, wasn’t it?” Virgil whispered, staring at the two. 

“What do you mean?”

“Remus never told me he was blind.”

That’s when Logan saw the bandages wrapped around Dee’s head, over his eyes.

Oh.

“You didn’t know that?”

“N-no… Last time I saw him, he could see,” Virgil hid his face in his hands. “Christ, I really did ruin his life. Fuck.”

Logan frowned, studying him. “What happened?”

“I… I really don’t want to talk about it now… Can we just go back to our dorm?”

“Very well,” Virgil stared at Remus as he led Dee away, one hand wrapped aroundthe smaller man’s thin upper arm, then sighed quietly and went back to their dorm. When they got back, Virgil just went to his room without a word.

Interesting.

* * *

“You didn’t tell me he was BLIND!” Logan blinked awake and looked at his clock. It was midnight. What the actual-

“What the hell are you talking about?” Roman groaned, sounding like he’d been woken up just as unceremoniously.

“Logan and I saw Dee today, and he is BLIND! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Oh… because I knew you’d get upset-”

“Of course I’m upset! He’s blind because of ME!”

“Stormcloud, he’s not blind because of you. That exactly why I didn’t tell you. According to Remus, he’s doing perfectly fine-”

“He’s not FINE! He RELAPSED! Because of ME!”

“Virgil, none of this is your fault. It was his fault, you didn’t do anything to make him do that… Come here…”

“What’s goin’ on?” Patton grumbled, sounding like he was right outside of Roman’s door. “Why’s everyone shouting?”

“Virgil saw Dee today. Dee… well, let’s just say Dee didn’t see him.”

“... Roman,” Virgil sighed, “I love you, but that’s a garbage way of putting it. Dee’s blind, and I had no idea…”

“He’s blaming himself.”

“Oh, Virgil…” The bedsprings creaked. “You know that’s not true. You didn’t make K- him do that.”

“I told him where we lived.”

“Yeah, you did. But did you tell him to do that?”

“... No?”

“Exactly. It’ like saying someone who told a shooter where the school was is responsible for the shooting. At the end of the day, the person who did the shooting is the one to blame. Does that make sense?”

“I guess… I just… I should’ve known. I knew what he was capable of, I knew he was angry, I knew he hated them… I could’ve done something.”

“Virgil… that’s some next-level blame right there,” Roman chuckled. “Besides, people only see the signs in hindsight. You couldn’t have done anything, and you didn’t cause it to happen… And one day, Remus and Dee will see that.”

They didn’t talk again, and left Logan more confused than ever.

* * *

Whoever had chosen this ungodly hour to visit, Logan would kill them.

He tried covering his head with a pillow, but the knocking just got louder and louder, until he gave in and shouted, “OKAY! Just give me a damn minute!”

He was about to murder someone, he could feel it.

When he got into the kitchen, he noticed Virgil hidden behind the counter, white as a sheet and looking completely terrified.

“OPEN THE FUCK UP!”

Murder.

Logan actually grabbed a knife from the kitchen and hid it behind his back, leaving the chain bolt locked and opening the door a bit.

A tall, imposing man stood in the hallway, looking as pissed as Logan felt. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I live here.” This guy had no right to pound on his door - at seven in the morning- and give him attitude. “Can I help you?

“I’m looking for my girlfriend, Vietta.”

Oh, for the love of- “This is a male-only dorm.”

“She likes to call herself a guy. Goes by... Virgil, I think.”

The pieces snapped into place. Patton wasn’t the “psycho boyfriend” Remus was talking about- it was this guy. Virgil’s ex? “I do not know anyone by the name of Virgil, either.”

“Then why’s her car in the fucking lot?”

“Perhaps they live in a different dorm, or just park in this lot for morning classes. Now, please leave me the fuck alone.”

He rarely swore, but when he did, he was pissed. Misgendering? Misgendering a romantic partner? This guy was the lowest of the low.

“Can I come in?”

“If you do, I can promise you will leave in an ambulance.”

The guy grumbled and, more to himself than to Logan, growled: “Maybe she’s with her slut friend” before storming off.

Good riddance.

Virgil was standing right behind him when he closed the door. “Logan, I need your phone. Now.”

“What?” This was nowhere near the reaction he’d been expecting.

“Please- he’s going to hurt them again, and Remus has my number blocked-”

Logan nodded and tossed his phone to Virgil, who punched in a number and held the phone to his ear, shaking like a leaf.

_ “Krusty Krab, this is Patrick.” _

Wow.

“Remus- he’s coming for you and Dee.”

_ “Virgil? How the fuck-” _

“Please, Kylo just left my place and he’s coming after you and Dee! Hide or run or something!”

_ “Call the cops,” _ Was all Remus said before the line disconnected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me; *tries to make one (1) fic where Deceit isn't a main character.*  
> Me; *fails MISERABLY.*


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youtuber; *has a last name*  
> Me; It's free real estate.

Remus sprinted into the bathroom, where Dee was currently in the middle of his shower. “Dee, we’ve got to hide, now!”

“Huh?”

“No time to explain!” Virgil’s college was only five minutes’ drive from their house- Remus yanked his stunned boyfriend out of the shower and pulled him into the bedroom. He slid aside the wardrobe that led to the panic room (He’d changed the walk-in closet after last time) shoved Dee in, and shut it behind him.

“Remus, what the fuck-”

“It’s Kylo. Virgil said he’s coming here. We have to stay here, Virge is calling the cops.”

Dee went very still. Remus grabbed him by the arm and led him to the back corner, then he stood between him and the door, heart pounding. That sonofabitch wasn’t touching Dee again and that was a promise-

Dee was shaking, rubbing the scars on his face from the last time. Remus squeezed his hand gently. “It’ll be okay. I promise.” 

The front door slammed open.

* * *

“This is Virgil Shelesh- there’s an armed break-in at my friends’ house.” He rattled off the address, pacing so quickly he was almost sprinting in circles. “My friend and his disabled boyfriend are hiding inside- they’re trapped, please-”

“Sir, I need you to take a deep breath. I’ve sent several officers to the address. They should arrive in ten minutes. Can you tell me where your friends might be hiding?”

“Uh… Remus said something about making a secret room in case of this- they’re probably in there.”

“Okay. Do you know the burglar?”

“He’s not a burglar- he’s going to kill them or hurt them really really bad and-” Virgil forced himself to take a deep breath. “He’s my ex-boyfriend, Kylo Kjellberg.”

“Can you think of any reason he would want to harm your friends?”

How could she possibly be so calm? “He’s trying to get to me because I dumped him and blocked his number and he knowns that hurting them is the best way to drive them away from me so I’ll be forced closer to him-”

“How does he know that?”

“He- he did it before, a few years ago- he nearly killed them- oh God he’s going to kill them oh god oh god oh god oh god oh GOD-”

“Sir, I need you to remain calm. He won’t be killing anyone- The officers are almost there.”

* * *

The footsteps were getting closer.

Remus held Dee tighter still, mouthing “I love you” again and again into his boyfriends hair. Never again- he would kill Kylo, kill him- God only knew it was what the bastard deserved, skating by with no charges because he pinned the entire thing on Remus and he was rich-

“Come out, come out, wherever you are~ You know what’s going to happen, why prolong the inevitable?” His voice grew more irritated. “Make me angry and I’ll make it a thousand times worse. Just come out and face it.”

Like hell.

He was in their bedroom-

Did the water from Dee’s shower leave a trail- Oh hell-

The shadow stopped in front of the wardrobe-

He couldn’t tell who was shaking harder, himself or Dee-

“LAUDERDALE PD, DROP YOUR WEAPON NOW!”

Remus almost fainted.

Thank fuck.

* * *

Virgil nearly passed out.

“They’re not hurt?”

“They’re not hurt,” The operator confirmed. “Both of your friends are perfectly fine, and the suspect is in jail.”

“Oh, thank God,” Virgil smiled and hung up, the flopped down onto the carpet. Logan sat next to him, crossing his arms over his chest to avoid fidgeting.

“Virgil, I met Remus three days ago, and he told me-”

“He told you about Dee?” Virgil guessed. “And that’s why you were acting weird?”

“He spoke briefly about Dee. I was hoping you could elaborate upon what he said.”

Virgil sighed. "Yeah, sure, why not?"


	5. Not an update

Hey guys, it's Callie. My computer broke down and I'm unable to post new stuff until I get a new one. So everything's on hold. Sorry for the inconvenience.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mention of ABA "therapy," mention of torture, mention of attempted murder, and Dee calls one of the cops a pig.

“Go ahead.” Virgil crossed his arms behind his head and stretched out, making his shirt go up and reveal a small portion of his pale stomach. Logan felt his train of thought momentarily derail.

God, he was so useless-

“He said that you told your, and I quote, “psychopath boyfriend” where they lived and implied that something very bad happened to Dee.”

“Mm…” Virgil was quiet for a few moments, then sat up. “So, Kylo used to be my boyfriend- He was an abusive shitbag, by the way. Like, when I told him I was trans, he demanded to know my deadname and from then on only referred to me by that. But it took me three years to figure that out, and when I did, I started trying to distance from him. But he thought the guys I lived with, Dee and Remus, were the problem, so, while I was at school, he broke into our house with his friend… When I came home five hours later, I found Remus tied up and Dee half-dead… God, there was so much blood…” He took a deep breath and shook his head, brushing away tears. “And, like, I guess he told them that I told him to do it or something, because Remus made it very, very clear that if I ever came near Dee again, he would kill me.”

“But why couldn’t you just tell them that Kylo lied?” Maybe it was just Logan, but if someone told him one of his close friends had told them to do something like that, he would simply just not believe them without proof.

“He wouldn’t believe me… Not that I blame him. It was really bad.”

“And what did you mean by Dee “relapsing?”” 

Virgil laughed, once, humourlessly. “Yeah, guess I did say that. Dee is- well, was- no, I guess now it’s is- a compulsive liar. He doesn’t like, do it to hurt anyone, and most of his lies are pretty unbelievable, but he was working really hard on recovering… Guess what happened with Kylo sent him back into the habit.”

They both flinched as Virgil’s phone dinged. Virgil picked it up and snorted.

“What?”

“Dee just texted me- ‘Leave me alone, I’m not in fucking shock. I swear to God- Virgil, can you or Roman come pick me and Remus up at the police station? These idiots freaking kidnapped us- Yes, I mean you, Kyle.’” Virgil shook his head. “Some things never change. You wanna come with me to pick them up?”

“I have nothing better to do,” Logan said, rising to his feet and straightening his shirt.

“Can I ask you a question?” Virgil asked, grabbing his keys.

“Technically you just did, but I will permit you to ask another.”

“Why do you keep doing that thing with your hands?” Virgil clenched his hands together, demonstrating. His heart sank- Logan had hoped it had gone unnoticed.

“That is to prevent me from wringing my hands or otherwise fidgeting. My therapist recommended it to me.” Well, maybe reccomended was the wrong term. Forced, perhaps, or punished him for stimming and telling him to do it to avoid punishment.

“But why? There’s nothing wrong with fidgeting, I do it all the time.” But that was because Virgil wasn’t-

“I do not wish to discuss this anymore,” Logan said sharply, heart pounding. Just thinking about it made him feel like he was on the edge of a shutdown- he didn’t want to deal with it right now.

“Okay… if you ever do want to talk about it, I’m here for you.” Virgil smiled shyly, turning on his car.

“I will keep that in mind,” Logan bit his lip, the tips of his ears burning.

They drove in silence for a few minutes, until the police station came into view.

“One more question-” Logan cut in, suddenly remembering, “Who is Darius Fischbach and why was Remus blamed for his torture?” Virgil snorted, looked at Logan, and burst out laughing. Logan felt himself blushing again, “What?”

“Oh my gods- Logan, Dee and Darius Fischbach are the same person!” Oh. Well now Logan just felt like a fool. But how did one get “Dee” from the name Darius?

A question for another time.

“Stop fucking touching me!” The two turned to see Dee, dressed in way-too-big jeans and a huge tee-shirt, yelling at a police officer. “I don’t need your help! Pig!” Remus grabbed Dee and muttered an apology to the officer, then led him to the car.

“How many times have I told you not to call them pigs to their faces?” Remus was muttering, “How many times? You’re gonna get arrested one of these days.”

“For what? Huwting theiw feewings?” Dee scoffed. “I’ll respect them when they stop-”

“Hey Virge!” Remus called, mostly to cut off what Dee was about to say. “How’s it going?”

Virgil shook his head, grinning, “Just get into the car, anarchists.”

“Have you asked him yet?” Dee asked, tilting his head to Remus.

“Babe, we literally decided on this fifteen minutes ago. Of course I haven’t asked him yet.”

Asked who what?” Virgil asked, starting the car again.

Remus gave a long-suffering sigh. “Not how I imagined this going, but Dee and I wanted to ask you, Virgil, to maybe… be Dee’s best man at our wedding?”

Virgil almost swerved into a tree. “YOU TWO ARE GETTING MARRIED?! Oh my GODS!”

“We’ve been together for a really long time and are ready to take the next step,” Dee grinned, kissing Remus on the cheek.

Virgil grinned. “I’m so happy for you two- of course I’ll do it.”

“It’s gonna be at the end of the semester. We’re still hovering between two dates, but it should be decided soon. Invites will be sent out around Christmas.” Remus was beaming, one arm wrapped tightly around Dee. “Oh, and your three boyfriends are invited too.”

“Three boyfriends?” Virgil glanced back at Remus, confused, “I only have two.”

“Oh!” Remus ran a hand through his hair. “Sorry. I thought you were dating Logan too- Um, your two boyfriends and Logan are invited.”

Three boyfriends… Remus thought Logan was dating Roman, Patton, and Virgil…

Yeah, like Logan could be that lucky.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whew, what a chapter.  
> Warnings- Terribly written autistic meltdown, mentioned ABA "therapy" methods, forced starvation of a child, food, internalized ableism, the mentioned suicide of a very young child (age four,) ableism, use of a shock collar (kind of) on a literal child, my shitty writing, child abuse, Patton accidentally breaks a glass and cuts his hand.

No no no no nononononono- It was all wrong- all wrong-

Logan sat back in his chair, hugging his knees to his chest as tightly as he could, shaking. His paper wasn’t even coming close to what he wanted- It was wrong- And the calculus homework made no sense- Logan was good at calculus- why couldn’t he get this one damn paper for the love of- 

He shouted and swept his homework off of his desk- then threw the desk itself- it collided with the wall, and a thunderous CRASH echoed through the room, through his head, and it just made everything worse and his head felt like it was imploding and just-

The books were swept off of the shelf, the heavy stone paperweight going with them- He almost took down the bookshelf too, but it was bolted to the wall-

“Logan?” Patton was in the doorway, his soft face concerned and startled, and Logan sprinted across the room, fist raised, eyes wild-

Patton ducked under the attempted blow, eyes wide, a small “Oh!” leaving his lips. He shut the door and turned off the lights, his gaze never leaving Logan, who was punching the wall as hard as he could, shouting-

He looked around the trashed room for something, anything, that could help, and then saw a dark blue galaxy blanket- He’d seen Logan wearing it a few days ago, weighted-Perfect-

He grabbed it and wrapped it around Logan’s shoulders, then ducked away as Logan turned sharply, almost taking Patton out with what should have been a bone-breaking elbow blow-

Okay, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to do this alone.

“Patton?” Roman called through the door. “Are you two okay?”

Patton didn’t answer, just slipped past Logan and into the hall. “He’s having a meltdown. I can handle this-” With that, he sprinted into the common area and grabbed a thick couch cushion, then ran back into Logan’s room.

He could handle this.

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind than Logan swung at him. Just as he hoped, the blow connected with the cushion.

He let Logan hit the cushion as hard as he could (occasionally raising or lowering it to block other blows,) until Logan had exhausted himself. The adrenaline coursing through him dissipated, and he sank down next to Logan, breathing hard.

“Are you okay?” Patton whispered.

Logan shook his head.

“Do you wanna go to bed?”

He nodded. Patton helped him up slowly, guiding him onto his bed and tucking him in. “There we go. Just get some sleep, we can talk in the morning if you feel up to it.” Logan didn’t respond, just closed his eyes, and Patton left.

* * *

“What the hell was that?” Virgil whisper-shouted.

Patton didn’t answer, just led them into his room (the farthest from Logan’s.) “He had a meltdown. I handled it.”

“Why the cushion?” Virgil asked, gesturing to when Patton still had it in a death grip.

“He may have tried to… hit me.”

“And you stayed in the room with him?!” Roman almost-shouted. “Patton-”

“Well what was I supposed to do, let him destroy it and hope he came down without hurting himself? Roman, he could have killed himself. You know how bad meltdowns can get.” Roman winced.

“... I am not happy about this, but I suppose I understand.” He sighed quietly. “It’s… it’s been a long night. How about we just go to bed?”

* * *

His entire existence hurt.

Logan groaned quietly, one arm going across his eyes and the other pulling the blanket over his head. When had sunlight gotten so bright? Why were the birds so loud? Why was- Oh no.

He shot up in bed as the events of the previous night came flooding back to him, taking in his trashed room. Patton- Was Patton okay?

He sprang to his feet and sprinted out the door-

And bumped into Patton.

“Oh, you’re awake!” Patton beamed.

How could Patton be so calm? How could he bear to smile at Logan after what Logan had done- “Did I harm you? Are you okay? I knew this would happen I should never have come-”

“Logan, relax. You didn’t hurt me. How are you feeling? You really should take it easy-”

“I could have hurt you!” Logan interrupted, horror flooding his veins with ice. “Patton, I could have hurt you- I could have even killed you!” The words of his old therapist rang in his head. He could have killed Patton, he was a monster, he-

“But you didn’t. It’s okay,” Patton grabbed his arm gently. “C’mon, let’s get you back to bed- you need to relax today.”

How could Patton be so calm?! Logan stared at the smaller man as he was led into his room and onto his bed. “Patton-”

“What would you like for breakfast- How about eggs and toast?”

“Patton… I don’t understand how you can forgive me so easily.”

Patton sat on the edge of the bed, tucking Logan in. “You had a meltdown. It’s perfectly fine. I know you didn’t mean to try and hurt me.”

“I could have-”

“You didn’t. Lo… it’s okay… I know how bad meltdowns can get.”

Logan glanced up. “What do you mean?”

“My… autistic little sister, she used to have these legendary meltdowns. So my parents put her in that ABA bullshit, hoping to fix what wasn’t broken… but she just got so much worse. One day, she had a really bad meltdown… and killed herself. She was four.” Patton took a deep breath, trying to ignore the tears that still sprang to his eyes ten years later. “I couldn’t let that happen to you. I couldn’t live with myself.”

His head was spinning. “But ABA is supposed to help us become normal? We have to be normal-”

“No, you don’t.” Patton frowned, hands beginning to shake. “If Einstein and Newton weren’t autistic, we wouldn’t have a lot that we know about science. Lewis Carol, Mozart, Emily Dickinson, Temple Grandin, Michaelangelo, the person who made pokemon- If they had tried to force themselves to be “normal,” imagine how much the world would have missed out on. If everyone was “normal,” we would still be in the stone age. Abnormality powers human innovations. You guys are important. You shouldn’t have to change who you are just to fit into society’s narrow boxes.” He smiled slightly. “Now, would you like eggs and toast?”

“... That would be nice.” Patton nodded and left Logan to his thoughts. On one hand, Patton was right, the world had been changed by people who had been considered strange or wrong in their time, but on the other…

Well, what was on the other? The words of his mother and therapist… His mother, who prayed daily, often in front of Logan, for her “real son” to be returned to her. His therapist, who would cut a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich into pieces the size of an M&M and gave them, one at a time, to Logan only if he did what she said, no matter how hungry he was. But they only did it because….

Because...

Come to think of it, had they ever given him a legitimate reason for what they were doing that went beyond “autism is bad?”

/ _ ”You could kill someone,” his mother growled, towering over her sobbing son, finger hovering over the button.  _

_ “Pl-please-” Logan sobbed, curling up as tightly as he could. “I- I- I’m sorry- please- I won’t do it again.” The collar buzzed and he shrieked, scratching desperately as the collar around his neck, sharp nails drawing blood. “Please-” _

_ “If you would just behave-” she snarled, glaring at him, “If you would just be normal, I wouldn’t have to do this.” _

_ “I’m sorry-” _ /

“Logan?” Patton squeezed one of Logans shaking hands. For a second, Logan looked panicked, eyes darting around the room before finding Patton. “I’ve got your breakfast.”

“Oh… thank you.” Logan looked down at the tray across his lap. Scrambled eggs, a glass of juice, a fork, toast- burnt, the was Logan preferred it, with half-melted butter slathered onto it.

How had he not realized how hungry he was before then?

Patton smiled. “Just call me when you’re done, we need to make a plan for if this happens again.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Patton was  _ shaking _ .

He had half a mind to call Logan’s parents and tell them never to come near Logan again. If there was one thing that pissed him off, it was people who mistreated their kids. Especially disabled or mentally ill kids. Kids who no one would ever believe. Kids like his sister.

Kids like him.

“Patton!” Logan wrestled Patton’s hand open and picked pieces of broken glass from his palm, putting them in what was left of a dollar store wine glass- when had Patton broken a glass? “Are you alright? What happened?”

“I... I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” Patton tried to pull his hand away, but Logan held fast, pressing a wet paper towel to the bleeding cuts

Logan didn’t say anything, just checked the cuts for any more broken glass, then pulled the first aid kit out from under the sink. “I understand you’re upset, but that is no reason to break the dishes.”

“Sorry? I didn’t mean to.”

“It is fine. Are you alright?”

This was all wrong. Patton was supposed to be the one taking care of Logan, not the other way around. “I’m just a bit of a mess right now.”

“Aren’t we all?” A look of worry crossed Logan’s face. That was a thing people said, right? He hadn’t just made that up? It was so so awkward when his mind made up fake sayings and confused people.

“Is there anything you want to do today?” Patton asked, trying to pull Logan out of whatever was concerning him.

“Perhaps…” There was no way Patton was going to let him return to classes when he’d had a major meltdown last night. “Perhaps we can… watch a television show?”

“That’s a great idea! What would you like to watch?”

“Well, there is a new season of Stranger Things that I never got around to viewing. And I normally prefer to marathon the rest of the show before seeing new content.”

“Stranger Things marathon it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU get abusive parents and YOU get abusive parents Everyone gets abusive parents!!!  
> (Except Roman and Remus. Their parent's rock.
> 
> Kylo will reappear. And it'll be when we all want and expect him the least.
> 
> And we're going to pretend I know what I'm doing.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, I'm sorry, I've had a lot going on lately and I am very stressed and tired and why can't Outlook have a normal catcha instead of "solve these ten insanely difficult riddle mazes in less than ten seconds each and do it completely correct" I've literally spent an entire week on it and... Ugh.  
> Warnings- mentioned electric collars, ask me to tag other stuff. This is a fluff chapter. Mostly.

Logan was so _cute_.

Patton hesitantly wrapped an arm around the skinnier man’s shoulders, trying to pull him closer and not wake him. He’d spent more time watching Logan than the actual show. Logan seemed to have the first two seasons memorized, mouthing the words and clenching his hands together. He didn’t even seem to mind that Patton closed his eyes at the more gory or violent moments. Even Virgil had looked at him weird the first time, until he knew…

But Logan didn’t seem to care at all.

He wanted to pull Logan close, to wrap him in a tight hug and never let anything hurt him again. To undo the damage that had already been done. He wished he could help.

Patton sank down into the plush pillows next to Logan, figuring he might as well try to get some sleep too. He’d been up and down all night, checking on Logan to make sure he was o-

What was that?

Patton shifted a bit more, squinted- There was a faint scar on Logan’s neck, so light it was barely there, but still visible. It looked kind of like a human scratch, but it was too faint to tell. Too wide and sloppy for a cat, same for a belt, definitely some kind of laceration, not a burn or a brand- He focused harder, trying to figure out what it was, and…

He saw more.

A good look told him that the scars went around the part of Logan’s neck that he could see, irregularly spaced but with one weird thing- For a one-and-a-half-inch strip, there was no scarring.

He wished he could say the conclusion he jumped to was impossible.

Patton was used to scars and wounds. Between helping stray animals who’d been hurt in some way to helping his childhood friend after a particularly bad night with his parents, they rarely bothered Patton anymore.

But scars from a collar were always the exception.

He only had a few bad experiences with collars, thank God, but the ones he did have still made his stomach turn years later. The stories behind them were always the same- disabled, mentally ill, homosexual, parents wanted to “fix” it, yada yada- but what happened after was never good. Debilitating fears of electricity, panic attacks when something touches the neck- He’d even known one kid who accidentally scratched into a major vein and needed several blood transfusions and a few months in the hospital. If parents used a method most people wouldn’t even use on an animal on their own children, they didn’t deserve to be parents.

As if he needed more proof that Logan’s parents were horrible people.

If Logan hadn’t been practically laying on him, Patton would’ve had a few words with Logan’s parents.

Slowly, carefully, he wrapped his arms around Logan, scooting closer so that he was pressed against the taller boy. He didn’t want to sleep, didn’t want to risk Logan getting hurt- but he was still so tired from the night before and, before he knew it, he had drifted off.

* * *

Logan woke up to someone else in his bed.

The soft stomach he was pressed against told him it was Patton, which slowed his heart rate significantly. He was pressed against the smaller man, Pattons warm arms wrapped around him, his head tucked under Patton's chin, and his legs between Patton. One of his arms was

slung around Patton.

It felt... nice.

He pressed closer against Patton, sighing quietly. He was normally averse to touch, being hypersensitive to it, but Patton felt incredible.

One of Patton's hands started rubbing small circles on the small of Logans back.

"Sleep well?" Patton asked. Logan nodded. "Good." He moved to unwrap Logan, but Logan shook his head.

"No, please, I like this-" Patton laughed and let his arms fall back into place. He pulled back ever so slightly so he could see Logan's face, smiled, and then-

"Can I kiss you?"

* * *

Yeah, maybe that wasn't the best idea. But Logan had looked so perfect, his brown hair messy and blue eyes droopy from sleep, Patton couldn't help it. He and the other two had been talking about inviting Logan into their relationship for a while, having noticed the mans obvious crushes. They had just needed to find the right time.

And then, Logan kissed him.

The kiss was soft at first, hesitant, and Logan slowly grew more confident, kisses hard and insistent, slim arms tightening around Patton's shoulders. Patton deepened the kiss, one hand moving to the back of Logan's head, the other cautiously moving up the back of Logan's thigh.

"What do you want to do?" Patton whispered between kisses.

"I..." Logan felt the tips of his ears heat, "Just this."

"Okay." And then Pattons lips were on his. Logan could've stayed like that forever, wrapped in Patton's surprisingly strong arms, but-

"Hey Pat, have you seen my-" Virgil appeared in the doorway, Roman close behind him. Both froze in the doorway, and Logan pulled out of the kiss, face heating furiously, and buried his face in Patton's soft shirt.

"Finally!" Roman whispered, pumping his fist.

Virgil grinned and drifted to the side of the bed. "So does this mean you're joining the relationship?"

Slowly coming out of the shirt, Logan nodded nervously.

"Sweet. Mind if we join you two?" Logan nodded. Virgil kicked his shoes off into the mess and pressed against Logan's back, wrapping his arms around him. Roman joined a moment later, wrapping all three of them into his warm embrace. Fire ignited in Logan's chest, searing, almost painful, like a powerful craving. He pressed farther against Virgil and Patton followed, so he was sandwiched between the two.

The fire dulled a bit.

He sighed contentedly.

This was... nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has some Remus and Dee!


End file.
